Tired and pissed...whats new huh?

Slave labor uncover....

New Blog Time

Yes you heard it correct I feel its time for a new blog.  Yeah not that much stuff has happened to me really but I feel its time for something different on here other then that other post I did about my very disappointing adventure to Rossville GA.  So true as rain I'm excited about this upcoming school year.  Just because it will give me something to really focus all my energy on and maybe it will steer me away from relationship issues I seem to have built up in my life at the current moment.  I'm not really looking forward to all the responsibilites of school and all of that boring same old same old do this do that stuff but I am looking forward to learning skills to do a new profession with through.  I guess going back to school can be a good thing really, maybe the lord is steering me in this direction just because he knows that if I find the strength to get through these next four years through college then I will have the strength to fully view the world around me and become a better person and maybe even come to terms with my total unhappy demeanor about soo many things in life.  I put too much weight in the present I guess.  I try to plan things out too much too often and when the things I plan out don't work out at all I feel crushed in aways I didn't really know I could be.  So I am hoping that I can really really strive forward and grow up really who knows maybe in the next four years I might look back at this and say damn I'm glad thats over with type of thing.

Anyhow, currently I'm looking for my own place again.  Yeah I decided living with my dad is cool and everything but truely I'm tired of being told what I need to do by someone.  I sooo need my own place and I talked to my sister about it and shes gonna help me out and help me find one.  Shes soo the bomb gosh I didn't know I had such a cool sister.  Shes like the only family I have that I really can actually feel a connection with really right now in my life.  I went and seen her today after work and she just treated me like an adult and a individual that has worth.  It feels soo good to be seen like that with her I mean other then my friends or fellow co-workers you know?  But yeah I'm gonna stay with her tomorrow night and friday we are gonna go out and go appartment shopping pretty much.  It seems kinda childish of me to get excited over something as small as that but it feels good to be with her in that sorta way. 

Other then that nothing much has been going on besides the growing need to reconnect with my childhood friend and ex kate.  I miss talking to her really.  I mean it might be odd getting to know her again but I would like to reconnect and talk like we use too... well like we did before emotions and hormons and family matters and friends got in the way of that.  I know in someway we can never go back to the way things were between us both but I guess I really don't care that much about it.  Heck I would even like to meet John even, then again seeing her kiss another guy infront of me would be odd and many other trivial things but shit after signing up on facebook and talking to all my old classmates and seeing everything they have been up too what happened to us seems really stupid that we lost that special innocent connection we once had.  Then again maybe its better we don't talk really I mean I still to this day can't stomach her family other then her dad and her little sister was pretty amazing kid well before pop culture got ahold of her lol.  Oh well I talked way too long soo I'm off later days folks keep it real.

In Rossville...

Well I have arrived unharmed to Rossville Georgia to spend time with Christa and meet her family and such.  I've been here for two days and I am already wanting to go home and forget that I've came down here.  Its not as bad as it may seem but still its bad enough, I mean since I've arrived christa hardly talks to me at all and shes usually too busy to do much with me.  Its pretty terrible how I drived over a thousand miles to be with someone and this is what happens.  Maybe its cus she doesn't know what to say while I'm here I don't know but seriously the only person I talk to is her sister's bf Dave and hes a pretty cool guy and all but he isn't the reason why I drove all the way here for.  Dave last night said he feels pretty sorry for me he and doesn't know why I put up with it, he said if he was in my shoes he would be pretty mad due to the way Christa has been acting towards me.  I guess I am but I was already thinking something like this could happen since hell I'm not that great with socializing with people and hell I guess its my fault for being unable to strike up a conversation with her who knows I guess...

So ya I spent one hundred and fifty bucks driving down here on fuel and nothing more so I didn't spend as much as I thought I would thats one good thing I guess.  But seriously, I don't know what I'm gonna do.  I kinda feel like jumping in my car and driving home, but thats rude and would make april feel really bad soo I won't do that yet but I might just leave a day or soo earlier just cus ya whats the point staying here being miserible for the whole time you know.  I Also have found out one thing and thats christa is worse then I thought she was and her friend ashley is a total slut and christa idolizes her for it.  I do believe she slept with another person three months ago because she was talking to ashley about it last night on the phone and I overheard her give a few details to Ashley while sitting in the next room watching T.V. with Dave.... So ya I give up I don't care anymore she isn't what I thought she would be and her family thought I was gonna be bad they really should look at her and judge her more then me.  Anyways it brings up the age old question is the guy in the relationship truely the reason why relationships fail in the end or is it the other partner thats responible.  Well folks the last few relationships I've been in its been in my view the womans fault why we failed.  Soo ya I do believe I might just say screw relationships in total and stay a bachlor sex and cuddling and all that shit isn't really worth all of the effort and drama one must go through to keep a relationship going.  Hell I wouldn't even call what I'm going through a relationship really... I actually felt kinda bad being on that Dating site looking for another person while I was in a "relationship" on the net with christa... Pfff not anymore after I get back I'm just gonna concentrate saving money getting through school and fixing my car up possiblily maybe buying a new one as well. Anyways I'm tired of being on here soo later days peeps....

For all whos reading this sorry my mind was pretty full at the time when I typed this soo if it doesn't make since sorry...

New Addition..

Well I'm an uncle once again...my sister had a baby boy!  Ya its cool she had to get a emergencey seasection but shes doing good now and the lil guy is doing fine as well I'm sooo glad for her.  Adian I think thats how u spell it was 3.5 lbs and 4inches something I don't know I'm not that great with details never have been I guess.  Aj's girl lost her baby natural miscarriage...  Poor girl but then again I don't really care much since it doesn't affect me in a whole.  I on the other hand have been trying to juggle numerious things around in my lil head and been trying to live life.  Christa is doing ok...Tonight shes been a real pill but whatever I'm not married to her soo I'm not really putting up with it soo I put her on the ignore button and left her be for the night.  I guess I don't care really I'm suppose to drive down there sunday to see her but whats the point spending all this money to see her and she acting like this towards me I don't know.... I think I'm just shooting myself in my foot with this whole situation, I'll just ponder more on the situation if I'm gonna go down there or not... 

Gosh I miss my creativity, I miss being able to type poetry inwhich I seemed to have lost somehow along the way the last few months.  I want to break free of my chains that hold me to this simple world of man.  I just need a push towards that direction anything will do I feel at odds with myself...  I need something to break within myself so I can put some of this stuff I'm feeling down.... I'm off talk to u all later...